Road Back On Track

Have you ever had the feeling that you want to give up? You have a huge dream, but you feel like you cannot get it, that always something goes wrong, and you are just done with trying again. Done with trying " one more time ". Have you ever been writing messages to your coach about how you just want to give up, that you are done? But never sending those, because there has been a little hope somewhere, and sending the message has felt too hard to send? Have you ever been crying in your bed and thinking you should give up, but at the same time thinking, that what if you give up now, and then regret later? I have had all of those thoughts in my head. And that is why I am writing this. So that if some other athlete, or anyone, is thinking, that giving up own dream would be the best decision, maybe they could think again. Think again, even though you would have thought it already so many times. Moments of giving up I was in a really bad place first in 2014-2015. The t...

I am going to reveal a secret from my life! ;) The real reason why I take selfies after (literally) all my workouts, is not only that I am so freaking happy after the workout, and that I want to take selfies... I mean those are part of the reason. But the biggest reason is, that those pics are for me to see my progress. And those pics are there for me to look at if I start to doubt. If I ever start to think something like " What if I cannot get back to Taekwon-Do and hammer throw? " or " why am I even doing this? " Those are the moments when I just open my phone, look those pics, and remember why I started, and why I have not given up after any of my setbacks. Looking those pics also reminds me, that I have been able to get back on track after a long injury, not only once, but twice. The first one was my shoulder injury, surgery and some aftermaths from the surgery. The whole rehabilitation took over 4 years (2012-2016), and at the moment I decided " th...

I admit it, I am tired of being tired. I am tired of searching for answers, I am tired of the pain. I am just tired. If I would be able to change my body, I would do it any day. The biggest thing I have learned during the past few days: Do not ever take food and eating for granted. Never. I went back to the ER on Wednesday evening, and I was not able to eat anything for almost 50h. I tried to eat, but the pain after eating was just something terrible. And the pain is still terrible after eating, but I am not able to keep going without eating. The situation was same with drinking, I could not drink anything, doctors were worried I would get dehydrated, so I got fluids via IV. I have not been able to sleep properly since Tuesday-Wednesday night. Last night I slept maybe 3h, the night before that same (or even less). And I see some very vivid dreams because of the pain and medications - those dreams feel very real, it is a weird feeling. I was sent home from the hospita...

Storytime! I started track & field when I was 3-4 years old, and I was training in the same training group for 13 years. From kids playing group, all the way to competitive level training. I was never forced to go to training, I decided to start track & field because my sister started as well. I literally hated indoor training, and that is why when I was a kid I usually only went to training when the summer season started, and we were able to do training outdoors. Can you guess which one I am? ;) Later in the competitive level training group, I used to be the one who was always complaining. No joke, I am sure that all of my previous training group friends can still remember what I was like in our training sessions. It was already like a joke in the group, if no one heard me complaining during training, they asked like " Katri have you realized something? You have not complained at all! Are you sure you are okay?" I was literally always complaining. Al...