Road Back On Track

For a long time, my mental health diagnosis was severe depression. Months later, after having several different "tests" done and had appointments after appointments, I was diagnosed with bipolarity. It is still classified as "Other bipolarity" because it is still a new diagnosis. I have asked others to tell me their questions about bipolarity and especially my bipolarity, and in this post, I will share those questions with answers. But first, what it means to have  bipolarity ? I can only speak for myself and each and every patient is different. You can't diagnose yourself based on someone's symptoms, because for you, those symptoms might actually be part of your personality. For example, let's say, my sister, she is super active all the time, etc. for her my symptoms are totally normal. But for me, those same symptoms are classified as a hypomanic episode. What is the most common misunderstanding about bipolarity? In my situation, in my life, I have see...

September is an international pain awareness month; Did you know that? We all have experienced pain in our lives, I am sure about it. Physical pain, mental pain, anything. Pain from one single small paper cut, pain from stepping on the Lego, pain from sprains and strains. Pain from accidents, or pain from losing a loved one. But some of us, in fact, millions of us around the world, experience pain every day. Not only every day but every hour, every minute and every single damn second. And most of us, have been told: “Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do more.” We take medications every day to be able to even try to live like we once used to. We go to work, we go to the gym, we see our friends, we go shopping, and some days we do nothing at all. We have lost friends along the way, we have lost the things we used to do, we have lost trust too many people, we have been seen as drug seekers at the hospital, we have been demanding to be taken seriously, we have be...

"I never thought, that one day I would reach out for mental health struggles.  But the same way, I never thought, that I would one day have chronic pain." I think that sentence describes everything perfectly. Right now, right at this moment. Living with constant pain is not only about pain. The longer there is a pain, sooner or later, it will start to affect everything else as well. Mental health as number one. There are thousands, or even millions (who even knows the actual number) who have even ended their own life because of chronic pain and the lack of proper pain management. A thing not to joke about. Mental health struggles are becoming more and more acceptable around the world, but still, it is a taboo. It should not be a taboo, people should not be afraid of telling they are struggling mentally. We have to be able to talk about it, share information and be more accepting. The best way to do this is through the people who are middle of everything. The on...

Explaining what chronic pain means to me is not an easy task. It is not easy to share things like this, not even with other chronic pain sufferers, and even harder with those who do not have chronic pain. If you are one of those lucky ones without chronic pain or chronic illness, please stay with me, I am trying to open up here (and people who know me knows, that I do not open up easily). And as said before, it is not an easy thing to do, so if something does not make sense - do not even bother Googling it, because you will not find my feelings from there - read it again, think more deeply, and if it still does not make sense, just skip it. Or send me a message, throw me a comment or whatever. You can even try to send me smoke signals - might take a couple of times to find the right wind direction, etc, but never give up, right? ;) #throwback I did not born with chronic pain. I think that is not even possible. I was a healthy baby. And I was a healthy kid until I started trac...

I am easily adaptable to new places, but after few of the most recent incidents and moving from the place A to B and from B to C and now thinking in the C, where the heck I have come, I have started to think if this is really what I want. Do I really want to experience shit treatment from farmers and hostel owners, who seem like not giving a fuck if everyone gets a job or not caring what happens on the farm. It is like " what happens on the farm, stays on the farm. " Backpackers go to the hostels to get a job they were promised to have, and when they arrive, they might need to wait even a month to start working. But I am also not a person who gives up, in fact, those who know me (personally or online) are probably very well aware, that I am the last person to give up. I am the one who keeps going even at the moment giving up would, in fact, be a better option. BUT as I wrote before, some of the recent things that have happened have made me think this a little more. It...

"So I am still waiting & hope, that my pain will not celebrate its two years birthday party." Here I am, thinking if I should get a cake or hit a gym harder than ever before. (later added note: I went to the gym). And I ate too much when I came back. I mean too much stuff I should not be eating, but I guess that is better than nothing? It has been exactly 2 years from the day I went to hospital first time with my back. I went there by train. Walked in with own two feet, in pain, but still walked in. And immediately after I told what is going on, I got a wheelchair (which I did not want, btw, if that even matters.) After seeing some nurse, I was sent to a small wardroom, and told, that I will be sent as an emergency patient to MRI. I can remember almost everything what was going on in my head. But what I can remember best, is, that even though I was sending messages to friends, family and my coaches, telling that I am totally OK, I was scared. So freaking scared. ...