Road Back On Track

I am easily adaptable to new places, but after few of the most recent incidents and moving from the place A to B and from B to C and now thinking in the C, where the heck I have come, I have started to think if this is really what I want. Do I really want to experience shit treatment from farmers and hostel owners, who seem like not giving a fuck if everyone gets a job or not caring what happens on the farm. It is like " what happens on the farm, stays on the farm. " Backpackers go to the hostels to get a job they were promised to have, and when they arrive, they might need to wait even a month to start working. But I am also not a person who gives up, in fact, those who know me (personally or online) are probably very well aware, that I am the last person to give up. I am the one who keeps going even at the moment giving up would, in fact, be a better option. BUT as I wrote before, some of the recent things that have happened have made me think this a little more. It...

"So I am still waiting & hope, that my pain will not celebrate its two years birthday party." Here I am, thinking if I should get a cake or hit a gym harder than ever before. (later added note: I went to the gym). And I ate too much when I came back. I mean too much stuff I should not be eating, but I guess that is better than nothing? It has been exactly 2 years from the day I went to hospital first time with my back. I went there by train. Walked in with own two feet, in pain, but still walked in. And immediately after I told what is going on, I got a wheelchair (which I did not want, btw, if that even matters.) After seeing some nurse, I was sent to a small wardroom, and told, that I will be sent as an emergency patient to MRI. I can remember almost everything what was going on in my head. But what I can remember best, is, that even though I was sending messages to friends, family and my coaches, telling that I am totally OK, I was scared. So freaking scared. ...

It is my first-week doing farm work. That absolutely glamorous work which for sure is killing my back. Kills everyone's back in fact. If someone does not already know, I am doing it to get the 2nd year visa. It is amazing how far you are able to go only to get one more year in one country. But believe or not, I would have done the farm work anyways (for couple days or so), counting the 88 days or not. Because I think it is a great way getting to know the real Australian work ethics etc. ;) What IF my back gets worse? Every day I am out there at the farm, I surprise myself. Because I never thought, that I would be even able to do that kind of farm work I am now doing. Yes, at the same time I am also very scared to make something structurally worse in my back. I do not even know if that is possible, because I have not received one same answer from any doctors. One says, that there is always a risk to make it worse. The other one says, that because it has not got worse for...