Road Back On Track

It has taken me a long time to get to this point, to the point where I can honestly say, that whatever happens, I am not going to give up on my dreams. And I know there are people who do not understand this and might never understand. I am not blaming them. If you do not get it, maybe you are a person who has never had a setback, or maybe you have given up chasing your dreams after setback, maybe you have never experienced real dedication and want to achieve something. And if you have not, there is no way you could understand. It is OK, maybe one you will understand it all. Back to the point: I will keep coming back I know I have been writing a lot before how I am not sure if I could face any setbacks anymore and fight my way back from there. This just proves that it has not been long ago when I still thought that way. Now I think, that whatever comes on my way, I will be back. I will keep fighting. I will keep coming back. As long as I think something every day, I mu...

Fear of injury. Fear of a heavy weights in snatching (my yesterday's workout just confirmed that the same is in the power clean). Fear of failure. Fear of not giving it all. Fear of not being able to keep it all together. Fear of losing the motivation again. It all comes back to one fact. The fact is, being in the injury cycle for 7 years in a row. Getting used doing training with an injury, knowing that after competition season there will be a longer break. Sometimes it meant having surgery during that break. Sometimes it meant having a rest for at least 2 months. Sometimes it just meant taking it bit slower. And sometimes it was all this together and in addition trying to find out what was going on with endless tests. How to get rid of that mindset? How can I realize, that it is OK to slow down? Because right now I am finally away from that cycle. How could I understand, that if I keep pushing myself all the time, I might end back to that cycle? And then what...

Have you ever had the feeling that you want to give up? You have a huge dream, but you feel like you cannot get it, that always something goes wrong, and you are just done with trying again. Done with trying " one more time ". Have you ever been writing messages to your coach about how you just want to give up, that you are done? But never sending those, because there has been a little hope somewhere, and sending the message has felt too hard to send? Have you ever been crying in your bed and thinking you should give up, but at the same time thinking, that what if you give up now, and then regret later? I have had all of those thoughts in my head. And that is why I am writing this. So that if some other athlete, or anyone, is thinking, that giving up own dream would be the best decision, maybe they could think again. Think again, even though you would have thought it already so many times. Moments of giving up I was in a really bad place first in 2014-2015. The t...

For me, the hardest part of having chronic pain is how unpredictable it is. It is like having a constant battle with the pain. One day I am totally fine, the next I might not be. Another part is, that the chronic pain is usually invisible, and someone like me, who have the strong "I can survive alone" attitude, others rarely know how I feel, what I have in my mind etc. I might have days, weeks, or even months when my pain is at a very low level, as minimal as possible. It is always there, but when it reaches a number near 0, I might not even notice it anymore. I have had those times now more than ever before. I am super happy about that. And then, all of sudden, something triggers my pain and it flares. The scary part of any flare-up is, that I never know how long it lasts. It can last just a few hours, or it can last days. Or even weeks, and or a month. And when I get flare, I always end up thinking if I could have done anything differently to avoid it. At that mome...

I am going to reveal a secret from my life! ;) The real reason why I take selfies after (literally) all my workouts, is not only that I am so freaking happy after the workout, and that I want to take selfies... I mean those are part of the reason. But the biggest reason is, that those pics are for me to see my progress. And those pics are there for me to look at if I start to doubt. If I ever start to think something like " What if I cannot get back to Taekwon-Do and hammer throw? " or " why am I even doing this? " Those are the moments when I just open my phone, look those pics, and remember why I started, and why I have not given up after any of my setbacks. Looking those pics also reminds me, that I have been able to get back on track after a long injury, not only once, but twice. The first one was my shoulder injury, surgery and some aftermaths from the surgery. The whole rehabilitation took over 4 years (2012-2016), and at the moment I decided " th...

Have you ever heard someone say, that they do whatever it takes to reach something? That they have the real passion for that thing, and they really are ready to do anything to reach their goal. I mean, anything and everything which are legal. ;) I have made the decision, or more like a promise to myself, that I will do anything and everything it takes to get back to my sports. To try everything to get my lower back in that condition, that I can throw the hammer and do everything in Taekwon-Do without being afraid that one movement can make everything worse, and get me back to level 0. Doing everything I can, so that I will not need to start all over ever again, that I do not need to do all the rehabilitation again, that I just could get injury free training seasons. Those are the things I want. And it does not come only with doing training in a safe way, starting slowly and step by step increasing weights in weightlifting etc. It also includes other areas in life as well,...

Storytime! I started track & field when I was 3-4 years old, and I was training in the same training group for 13 years. From kids playing group, all the way to competitive level training. I was never forced to go to training, I decided to start track & field because my sister started as well. I literally hated indoor training, and that is why when I was a kid I usually only went to training when the summer season started, and we were able to do training outdoors. Can you guess which one I am? ;) Later in the competitive level training group, I used to be the one who was always complaining. No joke, I am sure that all of my previous training group friends can still remember what I was like in our training sessions. It was already like a joke in the group, if no one heard me complaining during training, they asked like " Katri have you realized something? You have not complained at all! Are you sure you are okay?" I was literally always complaining. Al...