Road Back On Track

Those who know me personally, those who follow me on Instagram, and those who spent a couple minutes from their precious free time to read a post I wrote about plastic straws - should be aware, that I have a movement disorder called Essential Tremors. Those who do not know, well now they know. And those who do know, and also for those who do not know, here is a bit more information about my life with that disorder. --> btw, I somehow hate a word disorder. It sounds so serious, or like a contagious. Anyway, Essential Tremors (often shortened as ET) is the most common movement disorders in the whole world. But still, unfortunately, it is also often misdiagnosed or just ignored for years before getting a diagnose. Especially if first symptoms come in childhood. Also, ET is considered a neurodegenerative disease, but the process is usually slow and might take even decades before getting worse. There has also been a lot discussion about the connection between ET and Parkinson...

Have you ever heard someone say, that they do whatever it takes to reach something? That they have the real passion for that thing, and they really are ready to do anything to reach their goal. I mean, anything and everything which are legal. ;) I have made the decision, or more like a promise to myself, that I will do anything and everything it takes to get back to my sports. To try everything to get my lower back in that condition, that I can throw the hammer and do everything in Taekwon-Do without being afraid that one movement can make everything worse, and get me back to level 0. Doing everything I can, so that I will not need to start all over ever again, that I do not need to do all the rehabilitation again, that I just could get injury free training seasons. Those are the things I want. And it does not come only with doing training in a safe way, starting slowly and step by step increasing weights in weightlifting etc. It also includes other areas in life as well,...

Let's face the truth, this straw scandal has reached the point where people are going crazy when even seeing one straw. On the other hand, at the other extreme, there are people who do not care about this whole thing at all and annoys those who care about the environment more than they care for themselves. But let's think this in the face of the disabilities. There has been a lot, I mean a lot, discussions about how plastic straws are not the one and only option. That it is just an excuse, and there is nothing to explain why plastic straws might actually be useful for someone. People who tend to say things like these are not thinking this whole plastic straw thing more deeply. I know how nice it is to think, that with removing all plastic straws the world is saved and a better place to live. And that anyone who is against this ban is a just ignorant person. It is super nice to think, that everything is so simple as that. But it is not. Yes, there are other options for p...

Challenge not only a body but also a mind. Changing the mindset " I cannot ", to " at least I have to try ." Pushing all the possible limits there is, pushing through the pain, deciding that everything is possible, getting back the real motivation and dedication. To me, to the person who was not being able to do almost any training for months due to the chronic back pain, already just participating to fitness challenge was a huge step. Though something similar was in my mind already for a longer time, because I knew that I have to get back to active life. Hammer throw and Taekwon-Do was not in the "allowed sports" list (still not in there), I knew I have to find something else. Something else where I could find similar feeling as from throwing, the feeling of outdoing myself. Feeling the motivation and happiness doing it. So participating to the 8-week challenge felt like a right thing to do. And what would be a better place to start something new t...

What it feels like to have symptoms where doctors cannot find any explanation? When one issue from almost 3 weeks ago, become a new mystery. The symptoms and especially the pain, which comes and goes, but is basically all the time there, and therefore interferes with normal life. You start to question yourself. Even though you know, that the symptoms are real, that the pain is real. You still, at some point, will start to think, that maybe you are the one who is imaging it. What if it is not real? What if it is all in your head? Unfortunately, there is still a lot of unexplained illnesses in the world, diseases where doctors do not have any name yet. And that is the reason why at some point, the people with mysterious symptoms should just accept the truth. Truth, that also in the medical field, the " I do not know " exists. It does not mean that you should quit searching, quit finding answers. But it means, that instead of thinking " what is causing my symptoms? ...

I would love to write about something positive, but I am currently facing a new kind of pain. New kind of health issues, and therefore I will skip the rainbows and butterflies and just tell what is going on right now. And I promise, that more positive posts are on its way. I have some drafts written already, the only thing I need to do is just finish those drafts. And for that, I just do not have enough energy. I need the more positive and energetic myself back before I can continue with those ones. My last few posts have already told a little bit about the story of what is going on. To be honest, being in the hospital was the easiest part. Even though I was not able to eat for 50h. Since I got home from the hospital I have had so low energy levels that I am literally sleeping all the time. I am in constant pain, and I am using medications which makes me tired. Makes me nauseous, but which are also lifesavers, as with those I have reduced pain. And to be honest, yesterday I tr...

I admit it, I am tired of being tired. I am tired of searching for answers, I am tired of the pain. I am just tired. If I would be able to change my body, I would do it any day. The biggest thing I have learned during the past few days: Do not ever take food and eating for granted. Never. I went back to the ER on Wednesday evening, and I was not able to eat anything for almost 50h. I tried to eat, but the pain after eating was just something terrible. And the pain is still terrible after eating, but I am not able to keep going without eating. The situation was same with drinking, I could not drink anything, doctors were worried I would get dehydrated, so I got fluids via IV. I have not been able to sleep properly since Tuesday-Wednesday night. Last night I slept maybe 3h, the night before that same (or even less). And I see some very vivid dreams because of the pain and medications - those dreams feel very real, it is a weird feeling. I was sent home from the hospita...