Road Back On Track

It is not easy to keep the motivation alive when there is a setback. Especially if there have been a lot of setbacks lately. I have had times when my motivation has been round zero, but somehow it has been possible to find the motivation again. It needs only one good thing to start building the motivation back piece by piece. But during the time when the motivation is still growing back, it is also super easy to lose the track. And when the growing part is still growing, just one small thing can change the route completely. It is easy to lose the whole motivation again, especially if there is not yet the real new passion for doing it. It will not get easy Experiencing setback will never get easy. Having to rush to the ER, will never get easy Explaining the unbearable pain to doctors will never get easy. You might think, that people with chronic pain get used to it, and yes, in some ways you are right. But at the moment the pain gets worse for a longer period, and/or is ac...

It is national pain week in Australia!  Awareness week for those who do not live with chronic pain, and who does not know the daily struggles accompanied with it. And for those, like me, who are unlucky enough to live 24/7, 365 days in a year, with a pain. The week when it is time to really tell the world how we, living with pain, are feeling. Showing the truth with ups and downs, so that instead of assuming, people would take a second to even try to understand, that everything is not like they see it.  The fact, that chronic pain is more than often invisible, makes it even harder to explain to others. Easier to walk to the bus with crutches and get the seat. Rather than walking to the bus without anything and hoping that someone would see the struggle.  Note ! I am not saying, that visible illnesses always get the “attention” because I know, that is not reality. I understand, that it might be hard to understand how in one moment I am perfectly fine, an...

Storytime! I started track & field when I was 3-4 years old, and I was training in the same training group for 13 years. From kids playing group, all the way to competitive level training. I was never forced to go to training, I decided to start track & field because my sister started as well. I literally hated indoor training, and that is why when I was a kid I usually only went to training when the summer season started, and we were able to do training outdoors. Can you guess which one I am? ;) Later in the competitive level training group, I used to be the one who was always complaining. No joke, I am sure that all of my previous training group friends can still remember what I was like in our training sessions. It was already like a joke in the group, if no one heard me complaining during training, they asked like " Katri have you realized something? You have not complained at all! Are you sure you are okay?" I was literally always complaining. Al...

Let's continue my story about how I got here etc. My previous post was already telling a bit where I am now, about those not so good moments and days. But here is the real continuous for the story of how I got here, where I am now. Too much time After my hospitalization in November, I thought that the worst is over. In some way, yes it was, because I was out from the hospital - which was already one step closer to recovery. And I was able to travel home (from my other home) to celebrate my dad's birthday. Missing the father's day was not nice, but at least I was able to surprise him by coming home for his birthday! :) Spending time with my cat was also nice after hospitalization. ;) But it was not easy to be at home. Much harder than I thought. And I had too much time at home because I could not attend to any training, and mentally I was not ready to go to coach TKD classes for kids (it was just too much for me). It was impossible to just wait with the pain, so...

I fight for my dreams 24/7, 365 days a year, every minute, second, an hour. I try to stay positive, never give up for my dreams. But sometimes I fail, sometimes I do not feel anything else than miserable. I have those days when I feel like nothing is going to work. Those days, when I return to my old bad habits and later regret. Those moments are the worst, the moments when I start to doubt myself, my abilities, my strength. These moments usually come hand in hand, at the time pain is worse, or I am bedridden because of something so simple as flu. It always reminds me, how important it is not to take anything for granted. Life happens, shit happens, and usually, you cannot predict what happens - it just happens. Rehabilitation  When I have an injury, I always see a physiotherapist. Or someone, who can help me to get back on track because I know myself. I know without someone like that, I would just make everything worse. I have had hundreds of physiotherapy sessions, I have...

November was the time when everything went just worse. It was something I could not believe anymore. One moment I am doing what I love, being in Taekwon-Do camp for the weekend, and the next moment, just a few days later, is that I am trying to sleep but the pain is just too much to handle. It was again the time when everything turned upside down. This time I was feeling even worse, not only physically, but mentally. I was already back on track, and then suddenly something goes terribly wrong again. The thing is, that I thought I was the reason for that, I was blaming myself. But the fact is, that it was not something I could have changed in any way. I had a permission to do training, from doctor and physiotherapist, so how could I have known, that maybe it was all too soon? The truth is still, that November was the time everything changed again. My perspective on things, and me in general. It made me realize how cruel hospital world can be, how much patient has to fight to get...

My story about mysterious chronic back pain which led me to stop competitive level hammer throw, made me almost gave up my dreams, and finally made me stronger and fight for those dreams! Writing my story from the start to the point where I am now. Showing the reality of living with chronic pain, the good and the bad, and the worst and the best. Not because of the need of pity, but because wanting to share for everyone how impossible does not exist, and how important it is not to give up! :) “But what does not kill you, makes you stronger.” The exact sentence I sent to my coach 15 th of February 2017. The day I was waiting in an emergency room, sitting in a wheelchair because I felt as I did not belong to my body. The next thing is, that the nurse takes my blood pressure, tells me how high it is, which perfectly fits with my description of my pain level. They take me to the waiting room, to lay down, and tell, that I will be sent as an emergency patient to MRI. I was laying...