Health struggles continues

I would love to write about something positive, but I am currently facing a new kind of pain. New kind of health issues, and therefore I will skip the rainbows and butterflies and just tell what is going on right now.

And I promise, that more positive posts are on its way. I have some drafts written already, the only thing I need to do is just finish those drafts. And for that, I just do not have enough energy. I need the more positive and energetic myself back before I can continue with those ones.



My last few posts have already told a little bit about the story of what is going on. To be honest, being in the hospital was the easiest part. Even though I was not able to eat for 50h.
Since I got home from the hospital I have had so low energy levels that I am literally sleeping all the time. I am in constant pain, and I am using medications which makes me tired. Makes me nauseous, but which are also lifesavers, as with those I have reduced pain.
And to be honest, yesterday I tried to live without those meds, and I found out I am still nauseous. Which means it might not be the result of the medications, but actually just the issue I have. The still unknown one. Just saying, that I will not do the similar experiment again - I will just nicely take my meds.

I also learned in a painful way, that I should not take that medication and then walk in the dark. Obviously, the darkness plus the medication which might cause drowsiness are not a good combination. This time I only survived with a nasty looking bruise. It did hurt though.
Below a picture of the bruise - it is getting better, maybe does not look like that, but it is.



I have not been able to sleep well for a couple of nights. I actually wrote this to my drafts at 3 am last night.
Mostly because I sleep all day, so during night time, I am not tired anymore.
But also because at night time the pain is much worse. It is because having an empty stomach makes the issue worse. Or the issue doctors think I have.
I have not been able to get to work, which obviously makes me super frustrated, but if I cannot stay awake at home, how could I go to work for 8 hours?



I would love to be able to skip the next few days, and just go straight to Monday.
I know crazy, I would like to skip the weekend!
But on Monday I have the appointment with the surgeon. The person who makes the final decision about the endoscopy. Or is there something else to find the relief.
Even though my insurance company doctor tried to scare me with some very rare complications from the endoscopy, I am honestly ready for anything. I am just so tired of the pain. I mean back pain is fine, I have had that one for so long already, I am used to that one, but stomach pain. That is just too much.
And as far as I know, the insurance doctor has not seen me in person. Isn't it amazing how doctors like that think they know everything just after talking with the patient via phone?
Anyways, I got the permission to go, and they will cover my ass. Before or after the payment - it really depends on the clinic, if they accept payment agreement.
My little mental breakdown during that phone call maybe had something to do with the fact, that they decided to pay it after all.



I came here to do my internship. Traveled 15 000km, 30h, to get to my internship place. So being off from work even just for a couple weeks is just giving me anxiety and extra stress. I need work to keep me going. Oh and I also desperately need a workout to keep me alive.

I admit, that I have already had two workout sessions.
Which might sound like a stupid thing to do.
Like how is it possible, that I can go to the workout, but not to work?
I know it sounds ridiculous.
The truth is, that in the workout I am maximum 1 hour, at work 8 hours.
So which one is quicker?
There is no possibility I would fall asleep during a workout. No possibility, that I would be in constant pain and feel terrible for a long time - lol it just happens after the workout. ;D
Therefore, work is much more challenging.
And I think that as long as I feel happy and somewhat good after a workout, all good.



The last few days have been really hard.
In addition to just sleeping, I am watching a lot of Netflix.
Just let me know your favorite shows or movies, and I will check them out! I really need some new ones to see. Because that is basically all I can do right now.
The other thing is eating. Because as I said, having an empty stomach makes the pain worse.
And I have totally screwed up my healthy lifestyle. So if you have any ideas on how to get back on track with that one, let me know! I am desperately ready for any magic tricks.
The third thing I am doing is just scrolling my phone. One day I literally watched every Instagram story I had from the people I follow. You can just imagine how long that took, as I follow over 700 people/sites, and IG stories are quite common nowadays.

I also try to get out at least once in a day. Does not matter what I am going to do out there.
But I am just trying to get that daily D-vitamin exposure.
That is what I love about Australia, there is sun every day!
And because it is soon Autumn time in Finland - the season I love though, because of the colors - I really am happy to be here in Australia.
And enjoy the sun every day, even if there would be little rain, there is still sun at some point.
Just saying, that in Finland, especially during Autumn, there are more rainy days without sun, than sunny days.

I mean I usually try to get out before it gets dark. Was not successful today.

But yeah, getting to the grocery store has been my favorite activity to do for couple days.
My daily activity - what a loyal customer!
And I am not going there just because it is located within nice distance, going by bike does not completely kill me - walking could do that though. But also because every day I go there, come home and latest the next day realize that I forgot to buy something.
And yes, I do write a shopping list. Without that, I would forget everything.
Now I just forget to write everything to the list.

What I just want to say about these health struggles is, that I really hope I will get some answers, some relief on Monday. Because being sick is not nice, but being sick thousands of kilometers far away from home might start to feel super lonely.
With the loneliness I do not mean being just alone, because I enjoy being alone, but I mean the feeling of being alone.
And that is what being sick means, it makes me feel alone. It makes me stressed, and hopeless.
The only thing I would like to have right now is a healthy (my normal healthy - which is not completely same as others might see healthy) body.
Just one wish.

"Time and health are two precious assets that we don't recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted." ~ Denis Waitley

Here's just a quick throwback picture from month ago. When I was in my normal health.