Road Back On Track

Walking the shopping center aisle towards the medical center. Thinking if I am really doing it. It is not like the situation would even be that bad. But the question is, can it get worse? Do I really need that appointment? Can I do last minute cancellation? Run away, and just pay the cancellation fees. What if he does not believe me? What if he only sees me as someone who wants to get more drugs? How specific I should be? It is only a 15-minute appointment, how can I explain everything in such a short time? What if he does not know anything? What if he cannot help? Did I already ask if I still can cancel this? Avoidance There is a thing what I have been avoiding, or should I say, successfully been able to avoid, for the last 8 months. And that is an as simple thing as seeing a doctor for my chronic pain. The reason behind this avoidance is very simple as well, it is the fact, that I already know there is absolutely nothing to do for this. I have had already 4 MRI's (or fi...

I like to think, that life is full of adventures. Everything you do and experience is a new adventure or part of some bigger adventure. Somehow thinking like that there is a whole new meaning for everything. I cannot think, that something is complete shit when at the same time I also think " well, this is part of the adventure. " Same goes with positive things, it all is part of the adventure. It is fun to think that way, rather than thinking how one holiday is just a holiday, one day is just a one day. It is all part of the bigger picture. ;) Okay, I will stop brainwashing you now. Adventure awaits My next whole new adventure starts on the 2nd of February . So in two weeks. Wow, that is so soon... I am leaving Brisbane behind and taking a 4.5h (if I remember right) train to Bundaberg - a city near the south-east coast of Queensland (source: Wikipedia). And once I arrive in Bundaberg, I will hopefully be able to start my farm work (aka fruit picking and packing) wi...

Fear of injury. Fear of a heavy weights in snatching (my yesterday's workout just confirmed that the same is in the power clean). Fear of failure. Fear of not giving it all. Fear of not being able to keep it all together. Fear of losing the motivation again. It all comes back to one fact. The fact is, being in the injury cycle for 7 years in a row. Getting used doing training with an injury, knowing that after competition season there will be a longer break. Sometimes it meant having surgery during that break. Sometimes it meant having a rest for at least 2 months. Sometimes it just meant taking it bit slower. And sometimes it was all this together and in addition trying to find out what was going on with endless tests. How to get rid of that mindset? How can I realize, that it is OK to slow down? Because right now I am finally away from that cycle. How could I understand, that if I keep pushing myself all the time, I might end back to that cycle? And then what...

New Year, New Me. I am back, and my parents are back in Finland. :'( -- sad emoji for them, because it is cold and dark in Finland at the moment. I truly enjoy staying here, no need to find a warm jacket.  I am back stressing myself out about everything.  Just joking.  At least mostly. 2017 NYE Resolutions As said before, 2018 changed me. The change was only positive.  But I have to make it clear, that the change was not my plan. I did not make any " New Year, New Me." NYE resolution. In fact, I had only two resolutions. 1. Start eating healthier. --> done. 2. Turn every stone there is to find a way to get my pain away. --> hahah, good joke. That person, year ago, was not able to face the truth yet. The truth, that there is always a slight possibility, that the answer is not a cure.   I did not want to believe, that in addition to everything else, I would also have pain for the rest of my life. Who 21 year old would want that...