Tired of being tired
I admit it, I am tired of being tired. I am tired of searching for answers, I am tired of the pain. I am just tired. If I would be able to change my body, I would do it any day.
The biggest thing I have learned during the past few days:
Do not ever take food and eating for granted. Never.
I went back to the ER on Wednesday evening, and I was not able to eat anything for almost 50h.
I tried to eat, but the pain after eating was just something terrible. And the pain is still terrible after eating, but I am not able to keep going without eating.
The situation was same with drinking, I could not drink anything, doctors were worried I would get dehydrated, so I got fluids via IV.
I have not been able to sleep properly since Tuesday-Wednesday night.
Last night I slept maybe 3h, the night before that same (or even less).
And I see some very vivid dreams because of the pain and medications - those dreams feel very real, it is a weird feeling.
I was sent home from the hospital last night at 2 am. Luckily taxi was not that bad price, but I find it kinda funny how they sent a patient in pain home after midnight.
A patient who could not literally eat or drink anything.
Who could not sleep without pain, who cannot walk without pain?
Especially after the doctor said, that I can stay overnight if I want to. But because I must have seemed too well, because I was talking on the phone in the middle of the hospital corridor, first with my insurance, and next with my mom - at the middle of the night, they decided to send me home.
I do not complain more, own bed is nice.
So I had to find GP before even starting to find the endoscopy. Though my insurance company sent some private hospital information, also they had this "you have to have a referral letter from GP to come here" -policy - which seems to be Australian healthcare law.
Luckily after a few phone calls, I found GP near my home, went there, and got the referral letter to the private hospital. I have to call there on Monday, and schedule appointment. Which might take up to 2 weeks, but if I would go via the public sector it would take up to 6 months. --> really this is a very similar messy system as in Finland, I am used to this.. :D
In the meantime, I am using medications. Similar medications I swore after November, that I would never use again. Seems like the saying "never say never" is very true...
The other thing I have learned, though this life lesson has a little longer history. In the past 1.5 years, I have learned to live in a moment.
It is sad fact, that I have learned this only through setbacks. Only through the fact, that I know you can be perfectly fine at one moment, and the next moment you are not.
And the scary thing is, that it can happen to anyone. You do not need to have any past medical history, you might be a super healthy person.
But of course, people who use daily medications, and have some medical problems, are at a higher risk.
But that is the reason I am living in the moment.
Because I know how it feels to be perfectly fine at one moment, and the next in the hospital. I know that too well already. And I am sick of it.
Lesson number three;
Please do not use some specific painkillers for a long period of time. You know all medications risks listed, how many can admit, that you never read those? ;)
Well, I always read, but I did not think that some very rare complication could actually happen to me.
So the ER doctors were thinking that I actually have a gastric ulcer. Like wtf?!
And when he asked if I am using any painkillers for my chronic back pain, I showed this one doctor my medications, and he was like "oh how long you have been using this? It could be the reason. Not necessarily, but at least it has not done any good for this situation."
So yes, It is the truth, that you can get those complications listed. --> though in my case, it is not yet confirmed, that the reason would be my painkillers for treating my back pain, but that is what the doctors think.
Like yay, amazing.
It is always nice to keep this positive and strong image, but in addition to being positive and staying strong, I am tired. And I want to let you all know it, that yes, I stay positive, I keep smiling, I keep going, but I am also freaking tired to all of this. It does not make it any easier to be in another country and again deal with the insurance company, trying to find good doctors, trying to just find out what is going on.
At the same time, I am also happy to be here, because unfortunately, I know the level of health care in Finland, and I would not like to be there. I would not probably even went to the ER there, because I have lost the hope for ER doctors in Finland. To be honest, I am almost sure, that they would have not even tried to search cause.
But I will be back. Once I have got my pain under control, and get used to that Oxycodone and its side effects, I will be back. I just need a couple more days.
The biggest thing I have learned during the past few days:
Do not ever take food and eating for granted. Never.
I went back to the ER on Wednesday evening, and I was not able to eat anything for almost 50h.
I tried to eat, but the pain after eating was just something terrible. And the pain is still terrible after eating, but I am not able to keep going without eating.
The situation was same with drinking, I could not drink anything, doctors were worried I would get dehydrated, so I got fluids via IV.
I have not been able to sleep properly since Tuesday-Wednesday night.
Last night I slept maybe 3h, the night before that same (or even less).
And I see some very vivid dreams because of the pain and medications - those dreams feel very real, it is a weird feeling.
I was sent home from the hospital last night at 2 am. Luckily taxi was not that bad price, but I find it kinda funny how they sent a patient in pain home after midnight.
A patient who could not literally eat or drink anything.
Who could not sleep without pain, who cannot walk without pain?
Especially after the doctor said, that I can stay overnight if I want to. But because I must have seemed too well, because I was talking on the phone in the middle of the hospital corridor, first with my insurance, and next with my mom - at the middle of the night, they decided to send me home.
I do not complain more, own bed is nice.
What's next?
I was sent home because I need to get a referral to endoscopy from my general practice doctor (GP).So I had to find GP before even starting to find the endoscopy. Though my insurance company sent some private hospital information, also they had this "you have to have a referral letter from GP to come here" -policy - which seems to be Australian healthcare law.
Luckily after a few phone calls, I found GP near my home, went there, and got the referral letter to the private hospital. I have to call there on Monday, and schedule appointment. Which might take up to 2 weeks, but if I would go via the public sector it would take up to 6 months. --> really this is a very similar messy system as in Finland, I am used to this.. :D
In the meantime, I am using medications. Similar medications I swore after November, that I would never use again. Seems like the saying "never say never" is very true...
The other thing I have learned, though this life lesson has a little longer history. In the past 1.5 years, I have learned to live in a moment.
It is sad fact, that I have learned this only through setbacks. Only through the fact, that I know you can be perfectly fine at one moment, and the next moment you are not.
And the scary thing is, that it can happen to anyone. You do not need to have any past medical history, you might be a super healthy person.
But of course, people who use daily medications, and have some medical problems, are at a higher risk.
But that is the reason I am living in the moment.
Because I know how it feels to be perfectly fine at one moment, and the next in the hospital. I know that too well already. And I am sick of it.
Lesson number three;
Please do not use some specific painkillers for a long period of time. You know all medications risks listed, how many can admit, that you never read those? ;)
Well, I always read, but I did not think that some very rare complication could actually happen to me.
So the ER doctors were thinking that I actually have a gastric ulcer. Like wtf?!
And when he asked if I am using any painkillers for my chronic back pain, I showed this one doctor my medications, and he was like "oh how long you have been using this? It could be the reason. Not necessarily, but at least it has not done any good for this situation."
So yes, It is the truth, that you can get those complications listed. --> though in my case, it is not yet confirmed, that the reason would be my painkillers for treating my back pain, but that is what the doctors think.
Like yay, amazing.
It is always nice to keep this positive and strong image, but in addition to being positive and staying strong, I am tired. And I want to let you all know it, that yes, I stay positive, I keep smiling, I keep going, but I am also freaking tired to all of this. It does not make it any easier to be in another country and again deal with the insurance company, trying to find good doctors, trying to just find out what is going on.
At the same time, I am also happy to be here, because unfortunately, I know the level of health care in Finland, and I would not like to be there. I would not probably even went to the ER there, because I have lost the hope for ER doctors in Finland. To be honest, I am almost sure, that they would have not even tried to search cause.
But I will be back. Once I have got my pain under control, and get used to that Oxycodone and its side effects, I will be back. I just need a couple more days.
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