Road Back On Track

I am always ready to try different methods to get my health better, especially my back because I've been fighting with it for 4 years. I'm using 3 different medications for the pain, and those are not the ones to only take when needed. I've been reading about natural medicine a bit, but haven't really done anything related to it. Maybe because of being scared or skeptical or whatever reason, there could be behind it.  But now, my mom found about Ayurvedic medicine , which is traditional and also one of the oldest natural holistic medicine. She, of course, told me about it and after that, we made an appointment with one practitioner in Finland. He has been studying in India, so it sounded promising. The main idea for me was to go there open-minded. No pre-assumptions. And I totally went there like that, because I didn't know much about it. I just knew what was written on their website, and that's all. BUT I had a goal in my mind, one day reduce the number of my

If you have followed my journey with mental health illnesses, such as anxiety disorder and bipolar 2, then you know, that I've been in a psychiatric hospital before as well.  Note! This post contains material that could be triggering some people! Well, I am here again , in a psychiatric hospital, voluntarily, no one forced me to come here, but I decided it by myself I have a therapist, and before I went to the hospital I called her, crying, and she actually was the one suggesting me to go to the hospital immediately, and preferably not alone. The next step was calling my mom, again crying, that I need a drive to the psychiatric ER.  As I was sitting in the car I was thinking how did I end up in this situation again, it was hard not to blame myself, and it is still hard. I had a sick leave because of work-related burnout, but now that I think that more, I see that maybe it wasn't burnout, maybe all along it was just severe depression. As it is now. I am having a severe depres

"When my bipolar is starting to show the signs of depression, it makes me think I'm less worthy than others. Because I have an illness, a lifetime illness that requires lifetime medication. Even when everything is going well."  From the outside, depression might be seen as laziness, sadness, and unproductivity. Usually, you can't even see someone having depression, or depressive episode going on. Because we usually keep smiling and keep going as long as we can. Often we keep on going too long. But from the inside , there are so many feelings, actions, and ways to see life at that moment. Exhausted, not being able to get up from bed and shower.  Feeling nothing. Nothing at all. Or everything at once.  Crying out loud or not being able to cry at all.  Want to sleep all day long. Waking up in the middle of the night or sleeping around the clock with no problem at all.  Lack of self-care. As said, showering makes you tired but also it loses the importance of doing so. C