Year ago today

It's been a year.

Year since I experienced frightening moments.

Year since I lost the ability to use 1st my left leg and then my right one. 

Year since I started long and tough rehabilitation to get back on track.

Year since my life truly changed.

WTF is happening?

A year ago I was at home, minding my own business. Going to sleep. And then, suddenly, I realized my left leg wasn't working right. I couldn't move it on my bed, I couldn't lift it up, and all the toe and heel walking was just impossible. Due to having permanent problems on my back, I knew it could be something serious. Let me say, I didn't get much sleep that night.

All I could think was:

"WTF is happening?!"

I felt like there was something really wrong, but I didn't know what to do.

But that was just a start.

"You have lost all your reflexes on your left leg, and the other one is weaker as well."
In total, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. In two different hospitals, first in an orthopedic ward where I was sent my an ambulance from my home, and the next was in the neurological ward, again sent there by an ambulance from the first hospital. 
I went from one test to another, every day I met a doctor who always got into the same conclusion, that my reflexes were lost on my left leg, and on the right one all the reflexes were weaker as well.



I suffered debilitating pain during the night times, I was crying because of being so scared, I was being hugged by one of the nurses, I talked hours with that random lady in the same hospital room. 
And every day I tried to get up. Walk a little. Then walk a little more. Get up from bed, get up from a wheelchair, and just walk. Even just a little.


The first video shows how I was unable to lift my left leg in the ER, and the second video shows how I wasn't able to even open a trash can lid due to not having any power left on my left leg at the hospital.

Undetermined paralysis syndrome

During all those 2 weeks in the hospital, through all the tests that were done: MRI's, X-rays, ultrasounds, blood tests after blood tests, nerve conduction studies, CT scans, even a spinal tap... Nothing, absolutely nothing, was found. I mean, nothing that could have explained what was happening. 



I never got to know what happened.
And that is the scary thing.
I don't know if it could happen again.
In fact, no one knows.

There is only guessing around, there are some very good thoughts and ideas about what happened. But nothing is sure, because there is no test to determine what happened.

My final diagnosis is undetermined paralysis syndrome.

Six months of rehabilitation

The last day in the hospital was just the start of a very long rehabilitation.
Rehabilitation where I learned to use the right muscles again.
Rehabilitation where I learned to really walk again, run again, lift weights again.
Those days were painful, mentally draining, physically tough, and all together, in the end, really rewarding.


I remember those days like yesterday. 
I remember all the sweat and the tears running down my cheeks. All the pain and the feeling I just want to get better. At the same time having the feeling that I just want it to end.
"Why me?
Why this happened?
Why?"

Sometimes it felt like I wasn't moving anywhere, that I was just doing it all for nothing. But the other days, I knew it would all be worth it at the end.

And it was. It is. 

I can and I will.

Now, a year later, I am damn thankful for all the hard work I did back then. And while I never know if that all could happen again, at least I am nowadays so glad for everything I CAN do.

I can go to the gym - HUGE thanks for my personal trainer for always adapting my training program with my needs and helping me to get back to heavy lifting! 
I can run (I am just dying while doing it because I don't like running). But thanks to my physiotherapist, I am able to do it again. 
I can swim, go for long walks, I can stand up without having shaky legs and be scared to lose my balance!

There are so many things I can do, things I thought I would never again be able to do.
And while I still miss things I can't do (hammer throw), I am DAMN GLAD for everything and everyone who has helped me during the last 12 months, helped me to get back on track.
Helped me to take the first step to become a better version of myself.

Because, I know, that my life changed the moment I lost the ability to use my leg.
My life changed when I realized that during one night I suddenly lost the ability to do all the simplest things in my life.
That was the moment I turned a totally new page of my life.

Thank you all for being part of my story, a story that is not yet over, a story that includes lifelong rehabilitation. ❤︎


Kommentit

Lähetä kommentti

Tämän blogin suosituimmat tekstit

Indian medicine - Ayurveda clinic

Kuva
I am always ready to try different methods to get my health better, especially my back because I've been fighting with it for 4 years. I'm using 3 different medications for the pain, and those are not the ones to only take when needed. I've been reading about natural medicine a bit, but haven't really done anything related to it. Maybe because of being scared or skeptical or whatever reason, there could be behind it.  But now, my mom found about Ayurvedic medicine , which is traditional and also one of the oldest natural holistic medicine. She, of course, told me about it and after that, we made an appointment with one practitioner in Finland. He has been studying in India, so it sounded promising. The main idea for me was to go there open-minded. No pre-assumptions. And I totally went there like that, because I didn't know much about it. I just knew what was written on their website, and that's all. BUT I had a goal in my mind, one day reduce the number of my
Lue lisää

Victim of online sexual abuse

Kuva
In the current world, sexual abuse doesn’t only happen face to face, it happens everywhere . It doesn’t only happen for those who are from broken families, who are living in a poor condition, who are not close with their parents, who are marginalized… It can happen to anyone, anywhere . And nowadays, more and more, sexual predators are searching victims through online platforms. Many of you might think, that parents should see the signs. Parents should control their children so that they won’t get abused etc. But sometimes, they can’t see it. They can’t see it, because at some point, at some age, children/youth can hide it all very well. In the same way, many of them can hide bullying. So please, when you are reading this, and after reading this, NEVER blame anyone’s parents. NEVER . It starts with something so simple as: "Hi, how are you?" It starts in so innocent way and it is not easy to see where it is going before it goes way too far. It is easy to think, t
Lue lisää

2 years in pain

Kuva
"So I am still waiting & hope, that my pain will not celebrate its two years birthday party." Here I am, thinking if I should get a cake or hit a gym harder than ever before. (later added note: I went to the gym). And I ate too much when I came back. I mean too much stuff I should not be eating, but I guess that is better than nothing? It has been exactly 2 years from the day I went to hospital first time with my back. I went there by train. Walked in with own two feet, in pain, but still walked in. And immediately after I told what is going on, I got a wheelchair (which I did not want, btw, if that even matters.) After seeing some nurse, I was sent to a small wardroom, and told, that I will be sent as an emergency patient to MRI. I can remember almost everything what was going on in my head. But what I can remember best, is, that even though I was sending messages to friends, family and my coaches, telling that I am totally OK, I was scared. So freaking scared.
Lue lisää