Sugar addiction

Serious talk. About Addiction. Sugar Addiction. As apparently sugar addiction is a real thing, comparable to addiction to cocaine. Nice right? And still companies can advertise their sweets everywhere, so why cannot weed can be advertised? This is something I have actually thought to be weird, it is totally okay to get children (basically anyone) addicted to sugar, but weed is not okay. I know what you think. But also sugar has a lot of bad effects in long-term. 

Anyways, hey guys, I have a sugar addiction.

Yep me. An athlete, who does training 5-6 times a week.

Who everyone thinks, that should be eating super healthy.

Yeah of course I do.

But I did not before. I still have so much to do to get my eating habits super healthy, I am still not there. But I am in so much better situation than where I was just a couple months ago.

Where did my addiction actually started?

Let's start over from my childhood.

Because my opinion is, that it all has started already when I was a kid. In fact, it is hard to say what was the exact moment when it has gone too far. When it started to be unhealthy, something that is not normal anymore.

I have been eating sugary stuff since childhood.

I was that kid who used to hide candy papers all around own room because I just could not throw them in my bin, because obviously, I did not want that anyone finds out. Sounds like an addiction already, right?

Well, that was just a start.

My mom often found my papers, she had this crazy room checking thing - I mean I understand. She tried to keep me away from the sugar. But it did not work out.

I used to eat something unhealthy with my friends.

We might have spent hours just talking, eating candies and ice cream. You know those Ben&Jerry's ice cream tubs? The bigger ones. Yeah, we ate those, one each, in a couple of hours. No problem at all. Easy.

We had crazy sleepovers where we literally ate over 2kg candies during one night. 

I even often bought a pack of candies to school, because our school food was shit. Yeah, I should appreciate free school food, but those who have been in the same primary school as I, know what I am talking about.

Eating sugar was just a habit.

It was a habit. And I did not even see, that it was wrong. That it was not normal.

And the worst was, that it all went just worse when I was almost bed bound because of my back.

Before my hospitalization in November, I had 3 weeks break from eating sugar. I was so happy with my accomplishment, and I was not even craving for sugar anymore. But hey, shit happens.

My hospitalization came, I felt desperate, and I was craving for sugar. As I could not buy it by myself, my friends brought me chocolate. That ended my sugar break. And I thought that I could just get back on track with healthy eating after my hospitalization. Hah, what a joke. 

It just went worse.

After November I was literally eating sugar because I just did not know what else to do.

The way of escaping reality. Coping mechanism. 

It would have been okay to eat once in a while. But as I have written before it was not only once in a while. Suddenly it was not only eating 500g of candies at the weekend, but it also started to be twice a week. Three times a week. Daily.

Every day eating something, one chocolate bar, ice cream, 200g of pick & mix candies. Just something sugary.

I explained it to myself like "it was in discount", for a while, I even had this crazy idea, that I will only buy pick & mix candies when there is a discount. This discount was usually kinda huge, normally one kilo was almost 9€, on discount days it was 5€/kg.

But that was just so bad idea. Because the discount was never just for a day, it lasted at least a couple of days. Which meant, that I was able to buy those candies until the discount campaign was over.

Then I started to think emotionally "okay now because I have accomplished this certain thing I can have something good." or "I have so bad day, chocolate will help." or "this was so good day, that I will give a small reward for myself."

You see what happened?

No matter if the day was good or bad, no matter what I did during the day, it was always a good time for chocolate or salted licorice - my favorite...

Admitting

But the hardest part has been to admit this to myself.

Admit, that I have a sugar addiction.

Admitting, that my way of eating went too far. Way too far.

Admitting, that in long term I am causing more harm than anything else with my way of eating.

Admitting, that I have a freaking chronic pain, and I cannot use sugar as a coping mechanism. That if I do so, I will never be able to get rid of sugar. And I will never have less pain because all that stuff makes the pain even worse, not better.

And when I was able to admit it to myself, it was easier to tell others.

Ask help, tell that I have done everything I can, and I do not know how to get rid of the sugar on my own.

And I am glad, that I actually have the help I need to. I am glad, that my personal trainer took this to a whole new level so I will send pictures of everything I eat.

Would you send a picture of chocolate for your trainer? Yeah, that's right. Me neither, that's why I am not even buying anything sugary... Because I know I would have to send a picture of that as well, I mean, of course, I could choose not to, but I would feel bad for that. I would not be able to do so... 

2 weeks without sugar

This is not easy. No, far from easy.

Do you know how many times I have been thinking to buy a chocolate?

How many times I have been thinking, that chocolate would be good now.

How hard it is to go to the grocery store and get out without buying that damn chocolate.

It is hard.

It has been hard.

I have like this small fight inside my head all the time, that I cannot buy, and the other voice saying "it does not hurt if you buy one."

But it would hurt. Because I would be again in the start with getting rid of the sugar. Getting rid of the chocolate. Getting rid of the sweets. Those which are not meant to be in anyone's life, not in the way it was part of my life.

I am glad to have a meal plan to follow, someone from who to ask some recommendations for healthy eating places. Because yes, I can have a dessert, but no, it does not need to be so sugary and unhealthy. Luckily there is plenty of healthier options in Brisbane.

Ps. The reason I put so many pictures of desserts etc, is the fact, that those pictures are all from timeline January to March. All the other except first and last one. And those are not even all of it. But see how much I went to cafés, eat something unhealthy? Yeah, it was the time I almost lost hope with my back. And thought that I will not need workout into my life anymore, I was giving up.

Desperate moments was the last piece to my sugar addiction.

I really do feel, that this time I can do it.

Get rid of the addiction, get it to the normal level. Once in a while level.

I am ready for the change. Because I am just so done with feeling bad for myself, feeling mad at myself that I cannot control my sugar addiction. I am done, and I want to change.